i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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