I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
be right there i have to get my cape
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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