Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
