my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
