Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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