Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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