Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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