If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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