I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize