dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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