Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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