I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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