Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
