Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
