FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
