I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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