Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
