what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
