wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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