I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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