if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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