IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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