last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
