White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
