I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
