Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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