I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
