I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize