it was like his penis was on wheels.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
