i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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