Please, let me fuck your mom
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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