I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't turn off my feet"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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