Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
