dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
