her vagine was all disorganized.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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