Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
