oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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