i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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