So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
