Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
