so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
