I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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