he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
