I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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