Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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