Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
