dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
