Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
