is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
