Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
