Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
