Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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