There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
