Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
