her vagine was all disorganized.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
