I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
