even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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