you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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