sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
