I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
