I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize