I need help removing her.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
