there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
