new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
