So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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