i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
