Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
