I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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