I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
