dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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