I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
