Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it's like iHOP with fire
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wear drunk well.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
