No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize