I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
