I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I forget how to act sober
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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