i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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