What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
