Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
