I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
