She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
