i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
