remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize