i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
