All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So much Jack, so little girl.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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