Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
