Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
