just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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