I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
