Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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