I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
