I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
