I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
