good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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