no, he came in my armpit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
