I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
