There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
