I think my vagina is haunted
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
