sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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